beating them off with a stick . . . of bread

During a recent conversation, I enlightened my boss as to my tendency to acquire a park stalker, leading to the need to change jogging locations. The occurrences have been more annoying than menacing, though I think there may have been some scooter tampering once. My current location has been great - I've been jogging there happily for nearly a year. My boss found this all rather amusing and I think is now biding the time until the day I have an unwanted follower at my current spot.

Last night he was helping me give out the snack after the children's bible class that I run. During my quick trip to the store I also picked up one or two items for myself that remained in the bag with the snacks. Reaching in, my boss pulled out a bag of bread and the conversation flowed something like this:

B: I'm guessing these aren't for the kids.
Me: Nope, mine.
B: That's some serious bread. Oh, it's protection, right?
Me: Huh?
B: For running.
Me: What?
B: For the stalkers. Do you throw pieces at them or just swing the whole bag?
Me: Um, no. What are you talking about?
B: The bread! What do you use it for? That's serious bread!
Me: Eating?
B: You can eat that stuff?
Me: Um, yeah . . . for breakfast.
B: Bread that dense I though could only be used as a weapon.

Perhaps the funniest/strangest thing about the conversation is that my boss was completely serious throughout. And now, said bread, which apparently can not only be eaten but used to ward off attackers.