the golden ambitions of the kool-aid kid

Now that Fall has set in and given over to its signature color, grey, blue skies and golden sunlight fade into memory. True to tradition, no longer spending much time outdoors, sunshine tresses also fade with winter's approach. In other words, my hair tends to darken a bit in the fall and winter - a phenomenon that does not escape my students and continues to intrigue them, as does blonde hair in general. In Asia, I don't exactly blend in, which would be handy occasionally.

Every now and then I get the crazy notion to dye my hair something a bit different such as brown. As a kid, I wouldn't dare consider brown hair. Blonde locks set me apart from the other members of my family and supported my "adopted" or "switched at birth" theories.
However, I eventually accepted that it takes more than a variant hair color to beak ties of resemblance. Once in late high school or early college, I was out to lunch with an elderly friend. Throughout the meal, a senior citizen from another table kept glancing our way. I figured that she perhaps recognized the person I was with, however, upon the completion of her meal, when her party was preparing to depart, she approached me and apologized for staring. She said it was because I looked exactly like her close childhood friend and schoolmate. She then said the woman's name and it happened to be one of my dad's elder sisters, who had passed away a few years before. I was speechless. To her, seeing me was like seeing a ghost of her past - it would have been about 40+ years prior when they would have been my age at that time, yet I guess the likeness was so strong, she in a sense knew me without knowing me. It was strange, but alas, I digress.

While I relished in not having brown hair as a kid, there was a phase when I was 4 or 5 that I was obsessed with all things Chinese and I'd sit in front of my mirror staring for long periods of time, as though if looking long and hard enough, I could will my hair black and my eyes dark and almond. Obviously, it didn't work and once I learned about the plight of daughters in China, the fixation flatlined.

In high school and college, I had a secret ambition - blue hair. In high school, I had a friend whose hair corresponded with his favorite Kool-aid color of the week and I always wanted to go blue. There never seemed to be a good time to do it though, a possible regret, but I still think about it (and keep Kool-aid on hand, though not necessarily for that reason). I don't think it would go over well in my current profession, but perhaps one day yet, as long as I'm not one of those blue haired old ladies.

Despite my crazy desires (I had to talk myself out of going reddish blonde this very afternoon), I think I'm content with the way things are. I suppose for now my thoughts will be on sunlight and my ambitions, golden.