The Return

In about an hour, the sun will rise, some pigeons may coo at the window, some roosters may crow from a neighboring rooftop, the city will awake, the day will begin, and I will soon be back to work and back to life as I know it. My happy escape for the past 3 weeks has come to an end.

Despite five trips to and fro, reconciling the double life has not gotten any easier. Both lives are easy to slip back into, almost too easy, as though the other does not exist. Lately, when I'm visiting home, it's the only place in the world I want to be, at least at that moment, perhaps because I know my time there is so limited. Too quickly I find myself back to my own little space in the world. Never is there quite the reminder of being alone as walking through my apartment door to the emptiness and silence within after spending several weeks in the constant company of others. I try to reason in my head that the silence should be peaceful and comforting - a welcomed break from the busyness of the past few weeks, however it's anything but. I supposed it can't feel that way, not yet at least. For now, it's awkward and uncomfortable. In silence is the reminder of all I'm not hearing. In solitude is the reminder of those I'm not with. And in my space, I feel that I am close to nothing.

I opened my luggage releasing stuffed contents and the smell of home. The fragrance of the clean laundry is both sweet and sad. In this moment, how I want to go to sleep breathing in that fragrance and wake to discover the trip back was just a dream. I want to awake and find myself somewhere clean and covered in snow.

Instead, I retreat to my favorite window - the place I go to watch storms brew, the days fade, the city sleep, or the dawn break. This time, I slide open the window and face my world with eyes closed. There's no joy in opening them only to face concrete and glass of the manufactured world that now surrounds me. No stars. No moon. No black sky. No white puffs of breath rising in the night. At least there is cold air - my only comfort in all this. With closed eyes and a cold breeze against my face, I can be anywhere I want. I can feel I'm at home.

last night

It's my last night at home. I knew from the beginning this day would come and it always arrives faster than expected. Stepping outdoors to see a friend off, I realized I closed the trip the way it began - head cast to the sky delighting in the darkness of night and joyfully exclaiming "Stars!" as though seeing a long lost friend as my words in white breath dissipate and become part of the night. I take it in once more, the crisp, clean, cold mountain air, blankets of white snow in the yard, and the warm glow of light in the windows beckoning me back within the walls of home.

The packing is now complete and only a few hours remain until the early morning farewell. I decided try on my winter coats once more before packing them away in the closet. It's been several years since I've felt the weight of them. I took what I needed from their pockets and left a few tokens of my visit to reminisce over whenever I find myself reunited with them once more.

I bundle in fleece, flannel, and wool for one last night. Part of me longs for one more night of sleep on my comfy bed while the other half of me wants to stay up all night roaming the house, taking it in one more time before I head back. When I woke this morning, I lingered in bed watching the sun dance across the walls, illuminating the room and bringing things back to life. I wanted to soak it in, knowing it would be a few days before my head would again wake on a pillow and that pillow would be thousands of miles away. Perhaps I will give in to sleeping on my bed one more time, if only for an hour or two, but first, I'll visit my window for one last look at the snow, and the woods, and the stars, and the night.

here on this mountaintop

I'm back on my mountaintop, home of the only place I've seen snow in days.

I took to the road for the weekend heading south to visit friends and relations in Virginia. How I've missed being alone on the open road, surrounded by mountains, flooded with tunes, and thoughts free to roam.

Despite numerous trips to southern VA, this was my first time exploring the VA/D.C. area. I must say, I do prefer the open highway and scenic back roads to the crowded hubbub of beltways, but it's all part of the experience. I managed to find everywhere I needed to go . . . eventually, getting lost only once. I hate getting lost! I hate admitting I don't know how to get somewhere. I hate asking for help. How is it that I can navigate my way though city and countryside with road signs in Chinese yet when I'm back to English, I'm suddenly stupefied?

Nevertheless, the weekend was great. I got to spend time catching up with aunts and cousins I haven't seen in years. I love hearing my aunts' tales of their childhood to get glimpses of what my grandparents and other aunts were like. Though filled with visits, the weekend was on the whole, relaxing. I got to enjoy a bit of time outdoors dog walking with one aunt and checking out the frozen over Potomac with another. And since no trip to the D.C. area could be complete without an actual trip through the District, I was glad to take in an evening drive past the Capitol and a few national monuments. There's just something about the white lights on the old white stone symbols of the nation at night that's cool. Compliments to my driver for the tour.

On the way home, with no agenda awaiting my arrival, it was rather tempting to employ a random exit and get lost in the hills for awhile, but I nixed the notion. Only a few days of my vacation have actually been spent at home so as much as I wished to explore, it was nice getting back somewhere familiar. Back home the winter weather appears to be in full effect. Time to dig out some blades and head to the skate pond.

hit the road jack

After 3 days at home, the traveling continues this weekend. In a few hours I'm southbound to Virginia to do some visiting. Dawn is just beginning to illuminate the snow on the ground as a few fresh flurries trickle down. What a stark contrast from my island home. The past week has flown by as I've spent much of it on the go, but I've been having an awesome time. I'm looking forward to the time on the road this weekend to think and process it all. The weather might be cold, but the reunions have been warm and on that note, it's time to set out once again.

home frigid home

I made it - home at last! The adventure began Saturday when I said farewell to a chilly Taiwan (55-75*F) to greet a slightly chillier Idaho (40-58*F). After an interim of at least 17 years, I had the the chance to make family of strangers as I reunited with relatives for a few days in Boise. I had an awesome time hanging out, catching up, and checking out a few sights including a winter carnival my cousin flew me to. I cannot think back on the past few days without a smile spreading across my face. Perhaps I'll have a few tales to share once I get the photos developed.

Yesterday I said good-bye to the sunny skies, rolling hills, and snow-capped peaks of ID for a 16 hr. trip from west to east. By 11:30pm I finally arrived home, my frigid destination, where temps have been below zero for days. Still, I'm home and there's a warmth in just knowing that. And now, the next chapter of hanging out and catching up begins.

West side, East side, I'm going State side

Only a few more hours to go and I'm outta here. Despite just having been there over the summer, I'll be spending my Chinese New Year vacation time at home, and I must say, I'm rather excited. My first stop will be in the West to visit with some relatives I haven't seen since I was about 10. My cousin will be retrieving me from the airport and since we've both grown up a bit over the past 17 years, my uncle asked if I could email them a recent photo to help my cousin recognize me at the airport. No problem. I intended to get right on it, only my mom found out about the request and beat me in sending a photo. Her choice was this:

Perfect. I'm sure my relatives will have no problem recognizing me at the airport. That's right - I'll be the one with the kayak attached at the hip. In fact, no picture even needed, just look for the kayak - that will be the give away. Needless to say, a better pic has been provided.

won't you be my neighbor

I have a theory that if you live in this town long enough, you're bound to see the Asian counterpart of just about everyone you know. Today it was Mr. Rogers, and he wasn't too far from my neighborhood. Even his mannerisms and the way he presented himself were spot on. And speaking of Mr. Rogers, in a few days I'll be hanging out at the Pittsburgh Airport for a few hours and I can't help but think of Mr. Rogers whenever I pass through. Perhaps it's the tribute they have to him in one of the corridors.